fever dreams. big dreams.

I am 28 years, 2 months and 5 days old. By the time I'm 30 I want to have my memoir in the hands of a publisher (maybe not published, but just with the promise that it's going to happen) and I want to be living in my very own built-with-my-own-hands-drenched-in-my-own-sweat house. I have one year, 9 months and 25 days to figure out how to pull that off. Deep breath. Here's the thing: I have wanted to write a memoir for the past 6 years. I have said I'm starting it for the past 5 … [Read more...]

a list for single people.

sars

A few months ago my young married friend told me she wants me to hang out with a single friend of hers so I can help him learn how to be happy even though he's single. I love her for thinking I could help at all. I laugh because it's not something a person can be taught. They have to just get over themselves long enough to find other things they want in life besides a spouse. But I like a good challenge. So I made this: 5 WAYS TO LIVE A FULFILLED LIFE WHILE BEING SINGLE 1. Avoid/ignore … [Read more...]

the thing about lists.

10 Things Every 20-something Should Learn 5 Habits of Life-long Readers 13 Ways to Love Yourself 4 Things Women Wish Men Knew 39 Things Single People Should Know 8 Ways You Need to Cook Your Eggs OR YOU WILL DIE 100 LISTS THAT TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY DOING IT WRONG. So, um, yes. That last headline screams at me when I see lists filling up my Facebook news feed. It makes me sad, because I really am a sucker for the lists. (BuzzFeed has … [Read more...]

cheaters never prosper.

Cheaters never prosper. Who said that anyway? Cheaters never prosper. And I am the worst cheater of all. My first love so long ago was Drawing. My sister has signed pictures from a four-year-old with my curls and exact same birthmark. But sadly, young love is a fickle thing and I cheated on Drawing when I became a reader. Reading was my true love. None of that fluff about being a famous artist. Reading required nothing from me but my time. And so I was a ferocious reader. I have a list … [Read more...]

nostalgia and cigarettes

Walk

Smell and nostalgia have been best friends for eons. Like peas and carrots or peanut butter and jelly, these friends seem destined to return to each other with a loyalty I only wish I could mimic. Should I ever have children, I envision myself being the kind of mama who bakes oodles of chocolate chip cookies so that even my grown-up children want to call me whenever they smell a warm oven. But for me, cookies and memory are not intrinsically linked. I have a fondness for the scent of … [Read more...]

my furry companion and Deborah.

photo(14)

We’re sitting shoulder to shoulder. Literally. At first I sat up and leaned on my left hip, but that starts to ache in the places I injured years ago. So now I am allowing my arm to rest against his. I can feel his forearm flex as his fingers shuffle the cards on smart-phone-solitaire. He’s furry and smells of the outdoors and has said only two words, but I am sure I trust him. I swear I didn’t mean to, but I saw when he sat down he texted Deborah to let her know he boarded his plane. I … [Read more...]

The Idea: A New Name

Jan_Sars

Reposted from SheLoves Magazine. “What’s in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet …” ~William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet Last week, in front of a smiling judge, with my right hand raised, I legally changed my last name to Joslyn. (And no, I did not secretly get married … * yet *) I want to recount my reasons for changing my name, but I’m not sure my written words are going to fill the story with life the way I feel it woven into my bones. But … [Read more...]

new year.

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

This is not a resolution. Only ... I'm starting at the beginning of this new year. So it sort of feels like it is one. Which means it is doomed to failure. Sigh. But I'm going to try it anyway. In an attempt to save the U.S. postal service from shutting down (not the real reason), I am going to attempt to send out TWO letters EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. this year. (Three letters when I'm feeling extra spunky.) … [Read more...]

swimsuits and red lipstick.

lipstick_feature

I usually blog when I am procrastinating. Today is only a little different. Today, I set out to get real work done, but my angry hip is extra angry and I can't focus. So I thought I'd go to bed early and get some sleep, but I also can't sleep. I can almost always sleep, but when I can't—I blog. I've had these ideas on my mind for a very long time. But I owed so many people SO many projects I said I would complete SO many moons ago ... and that left me feeling guilty about blogging about my … [Read more...]

inadequate.

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

{ It's after midnight. Do not trust anything I say after midnight. I become increasingly ridiculous and tend towards the dramatic when running on little sleep. However, I am still going to hit publish because sometimes after midnight I am brilliant. Here's hoping today is one of those days. } I am inadequate. I've known it my whole life. I've known it since those days oh so long ago when my mom told me that my straight A's were "boring" and my dad told me I talked too much and laughed … [Read more...]

idelette.

Idelette_feature

I should be working on A HUNDRED projects I said YES to right now. I should be scouring my archives for a great photo for Holly's SheLoves blogpost on Monday. I should be organizing and drafting our November zine. Or organizing all the photos Kelley sent me for the Community of Hope quarterly flipbook. I really should be designing the church directory for the lovely place where nobody knows me, but I feel cozy joining in on Sunday mornings. I should also probably be exhausted from having … [Read more...]

drifting.

Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

Have you ever had a break-up so final that even after you returned all their stuff you still wished you could return the memories? I have. I've never had a boyfriend, but I have had a break-up. It's a long sad story. Too long for this blog. The short version is that break-ups sometimes happen between friends too. It's worse than a romantic break-up, trust me. I have 23 years of evidence to prove I don't do well when I get left behind. Which is how I somehow became the person who … [Read more...]

coffee rant

bear

Today I realized I'm never really going to get into Tacoma coffee culture. That must sound odd, since my day job is as a barista in a little cafe in Tacoma. I make a damn good cup off coffee and when I'm really on my game I can even make a little bear's face in the top if your cup. He's usually made of foam and sunshine and sarcasm. But I know I'm not going to be the *rock star* barista, because I'm not really pretentious enough to think specialty coffee is God's gift to humanity and … [Read more...]

When My Art Isn’t Deep, But I Am

I’ve always been a creative sort of person.   But I joke that I’m not really an artist. At least, not in the way other members of my family are. Don’t get me wrong, I’m handy with a paintbrush and I can wield a mean crafting knife. But my skills can be mostly attributed to a steady hand and an unabashedly wild imagination. It’s just that I’m not terribly emotional about the pieces I create. I meet artists who FEEL SO MUCH in their art. They have brush-strokes of sorrow crossing lines of … [Read more...]

rom com.

I just watched a romantic comedy and loved it. Then felt sick.Is it horrible of me to hate romantic comedies? I mean, I also love them. But mostly I hate them.And here's why: THEY ARE CRAP.I'm sorry. That's harsh.But also, guys, it's true. Rom coms are what my friend calls "emotional porn." Gross, I know, but also you can get that, right? They are idealistic and outlandish in all the right ways for a girl to think real life is kind of a drag because there's no Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds or … [Read more...]