A Tribute to My Very First Roommate [To Adessa, with Love]

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Today is the 30th birthday of my very first roommate and the only thing this silly writer has to offer on a rainy February afternoon are words ... Adessa, I owe you big time. I owe you for teaching me how to back down and how to suck it up and how to love people even when you don't want to. Dess and I have now known each other for 11 years. Longer than most of my current list of friends on Facebook. Come to think of it, we met the same year Facebook was created. We were official before … [Read more...]

Why Not Me?

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Originally posted at SheLoves Magazine. I was a nervous child. Meeting me today, you would never guess this. I was afraid of so much in the world. High on the list: hell, learning to drive, public speaking, anyone shouting or yelling, being picked last. I spent a lot of my time in my imagination, telling a story of who I would be if I wasn’t so afraid. The girls and women of my imagination were always taller and bolder than the me of my real life. They spoke their minds. They … [Read more...]

Car Accidents + Dating + Nutella

Tonight I am in bed before 8 p.m. and eating my feelings. Sometimes the only distraction from a bad day is my fluffy bathrobe, a jar of Nutella and a bag of salt and vinegar chips. Because today, I crashed my car. If you have known me for more than 20 minutes, then you know this is not the first time. You probably know this is not the worst time, either. I could explain what happened, but it’s not really worth it. In my life I have a whole lot of people who think I can … [Read more...]

Not So Silent Night

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Originally posted at SheLoves Magazine. I didn’t grow up with the Silent Night version of Christmas. Actually, I didn’t grow up with Christmas at all. My parents’ religion didn’t have a sweet, clean, bright idea of how baby Jesus came into the world and how that translated into glittery Christmas ornaments and pop melodies. There are a thousand reasons I have resented my upbringing, but at Christmas I am always surprised by how grateful I am to have inherited a different point of … [Read more...]

On Anne Shirley and Writing My Way into Healing

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“Well, if you want my opinion, Miss Shirley, I’d write about places I knew something of and people that spoke everyday English. Instead of these silly schoolgirl romances.” –Gilbert Blythe, Anne of Green Gables.   Ever since I first saw Anne of Green Gables when I was eight years old, I have wanted two things: to be a writer and a redhead. I can’t really do anything about the redhead part, short of incessant maintenance and a really good hair stylist, but the writer thing I’ve … [Read more...]

My Extraordinarily Quirky Ordinary Life

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“And while it takes courage to achieve greatness, it takes more courage to find fulfillment in being ordinary. For the joys that last have little relationship to achievement, to standing one step higher on the victory platform. What is the adventure in being ordinary? It is daring to love just for the pleasure of giving it away. It is venturing to give new life and to nurture it to maturity. It is working hard for the pure joy of being tired at the end of the day. It is caring and sharing and … [Read more...]

Two Blonde Monsters and a Swingset

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Originally posted at SheLoves Magazine. The best 20 minutes of my week were spent pointing ten red lacquered toenails toward the sky, then tossing my feet behind me and pulling that sturdy swing back to start the pendulum again. Two tiny blonde monsters pumped their little legs next to me and for a few minutes all was right with the world. I spend a couple days a week with those two grubby little monsters. They are delightful cherubs at least half of the time. Like those 20 minutes we … [Read more...]

Car Trouble and Plot Twists

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Originally posted at SheLoves Magazine. I was tucked into the cushions of a hotel lobby couch listening to 80s pop music in a dry little town in Northeastern Oregon on a Tuesday night. This was not on my agenda for the week. I left my house on a Saturday morning with a pile of bedding, a couple cameras, a backpack and a box of pastries. I was stoked to be heading out to the wilderness to meet one of my writer friends from the internet in real life. I was cruising along with the … [Read more...]

My Angry Hip

Some nights I crawl into bed early and pray for dreams in which I am also sleeping. There is no greater joy than to dream of sleep, don't you think? Too often these are the same nights when my angry hip is shouting profanities and getting into fights and the ruckus keeps me from drifting into the slumber I so desperately crave. I really just want to sleep, damn it. I swear to you my hip is angriest when I need sleep the most. She shouts loudest on nights when I have already biked to two … [Read more...]

Because Black Lives Always Matter

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Originally posted at SheLoves Magazine. In the past year I’ve watched my world blow up with loaded language, apathy and sadness. In the past year I’ve caught myself whispering sweet names Trayvon, Shantel, Tamir, Michael, Eric, Freddie, Cynthia, Susie, Daniel, Sharonda, Myra, Ethel, Depayne, Clementa, Tywanza, Sandra … the names stack up in my news feed like a holocaust memorial. I have wept a thousand times. My sister talks to her brown-skinned, kind-hearted nine-year-old about … [Read more...]

At the Edge of My Sewing Machine

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Originally Posted at SheLoves Magazine. I learned to sew when I was 12. My mom taught me how to follow the pattern and cut on the bias, how to add elastic and sew on buttons. The result was a complete set of pale yellow pajamas printed with a pattern of little cupcakes. I loved those pajamas. Sadly, the pants were too short and I never wore the shirt, because I couldn’t be bothered with buttons before bed. But I still loved them. In the beginning, sewing comes with a whole lot of … [Read more...]

Happy Birthday, Midge!

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It’s been one year since I purchased a 14’ x 8’ trailer and had it towed to my sister’s driveway. One year since emptying my bank account for the foundation-on-wheels under a new way of life. I have so much to say about my little house, but I don’t yet have the language. Talking about my house feels like being 7 years old and needing to clean my room—Where do I start? What is most important? Should I organize as I go? If I leave it alone will it get better on its own? So there’s … [Read more...]

The Sweetness of Marinating

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Originally posted at SheLoves Magazine. The past six months have been crammed full of chaos. I hurt someone I care about deeply, because I couldn’t be what he needed me to be. My parked car was shot at and now the wind whistles through the hole in my windshield. I was fired from my job at the café where I loved so many people. And this week I dropped a ladder on my house and broke a window. I ought to be having a meltdown right about now. My sister will attest that there have been … [Read more...]

Midge The Tiny House.

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So much has happened since I posted about my house last month. First of all, thank you to all my friends who suggested names for my house. My wonderful friend Karen dropped Midge into the Facebook comments and I knew it. was. perfect. So #midgethetinyhouse is official. It is the redemption of a former Midge in my life. A person I thought I was before I grew into my own skin. If that doesn't make sense to you, read this Midge blog post from my former life and see how different I was … [Read more...]

There is Nothing Dangerous About Me

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Originally posted at SheLoves Magazine. There is nothing dangerous about me. I am small. I smile big. My favorite thing to do in the whole world is make people laugh. And yet … I am a Dangerous Woman. I am a threat to the status quo. I am unboxable. Yes, I know, unboxable is not a word, but I am making up words. I’m dangerous like that. I am dangerous. I am dangerous because I am a woman and I am single. And that makes me happy. I am building my own house. I am not … [Read more...]