I spent my morning in bed reading half-finished projects and blowing my nose. I like boundaries, but I also like transparency and I haven't shared anything here in a long time, so I continued this piece from almost three years ago and I just am going to leave it here and let that be okay. WRITTEN OCTOBER 2016: I didn’t realize I had built a wall around myself until I started dating a bearded man on the other side of the country. We spent hours on the phone sharing and over-sharing. He … [Read more...]

I really loved October 31 when I was a kid because my family celebrated Halloween by uncelebrating. Growing up in an apocalyptic religious cult means holidays are … interesting. Halloween was the devil’s holiday. Obviously. There would be no costumes. No trick-or-treating. No jack-o-lanterns. Not even a “harvest party.” Even so, I lived for Halloween. My best friend’s family would come over with candy and snacks and her crew and my crew would pile into the downstairs living room … [Read more...]

I signed up for invisible aligners (ie: braces) two weeks before I decided I was going to cut single-use plastics out of my life. I have banished so much plastic from my home and my habits—all while wearing plastic aligners on my teeth. The absurdity is not lost on me. Disclaimer: I am cautious not to become a purist or a zero-waste evangelist. I have alienated too many people too many times just by sheer enthusiasm and I am not inclined to do it again. I want to see more people reduce their … [Read more...]

Gramma wasn't particularly cozy. She didn't snuggle and she never spoke softly. She shouted and she read lips. She would hug and kiss you and then ask about school and work and tell you to eat a snack or something. She was intimidating. And I respected the hell out of her. She died this morning and I found out at 9 a.m. At 10 p.m. my brain stopped hiding from the pain and I haven't stopped crying. Grief can be a real asshole. I've been missing Gramma for a couple years … [Read more...]

Dear America, You did this to yourself. You built this nation on stolen land. You built it on the backs of slaves. You deserve this. You deserve to see what your racism and sexism and xenophobia have created. But do you know who doesn't deserve this? My black nephew. My immigrant neighbors. My trans coworker. My gay friends. My very first roommate. My very first crush. The black man I just went on a date with. My best friend's husband. Every person who has a vagina. We … [Read more...]

I gave up attending church for Lent one year and I never went back. That’s not really true, but it sounds better than the truth. The truth is Sunday services and I had a slow break-up and I am giving myself space before we reconcile. I had just gotten accustomed to liturgies and ancient spiritual practices when I stopped making the walk to church on Sunday mornings. I fell in love with Ash Wednesday and Lent and The Book of Common Prayer and Passing the Peace of Christ. I fell in … [Read more...]

Tonight I am in bed before 8 p.m. and eating my feelings. Sometimes the only distraction from a bad day is my fluffy bathrobe, a jar of Nutella and a bag of salt and vinegar chips. Because today, I crashed my car. If you have known me for more than 20 minutes, then you know this is not the first time. You probably know this is not the worst time, either. I could explain what happened, but it’s not really worth it. In my life I have a whole lot of people who think I can … [Read more...]