A Baby. A Business. An Existential Crisis on Pause.


I had to put my summer existential crisis on hold this year.

Usually August and September fill up with questions about why I am here and what am I even doing with my life?

I wander into churches and bookstores trying to find answers. I start squirreling away my tips and planning international adventures and announcing I am finally REALLY going to work on my book. I often start questioning all my relationships and asking obnoxiously deep questions of my friends.

This year all of those questions are still there, bubbling just under the surface, but I am willing them to simmer just a bit longer because my hands are really full, damn it.

My youngest, tiniest nephew was just born on Sunday. He didn’t even bother to wait for the midwife to get there. He just showed up and has been announcing his presence ever since.

I promised my sister I would be her second set of hands. So the dishes are done and the towels are washed and the bathtub is scrubbed and the mama is fed and I am for sure bragging right now.

I sat down on Monday while everyone slept and I thought I would let myself get all up in my own head, but then I remembered I have things to do to open a café that was supposed to be up and running months ago. I told my questions to go back to bed and I pulled out my to do list.

It is long, friends.

The meltdown will have to wait.

That’s why sometimes screaming helps.


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