I've never written anything about my oldest sister, because how do you write about the only member of your family that actually holds it all together? It's too much pressure. Jennifer is 14 years older than me and until this year she was less like a sister than an additional parent. (A very cool additional parent, mind you.) She is a rock. Dependable 'til the day she dies. And like most oldest children will boss you around and put you in your place and plan all the fabulous parties (including … [Read more...]

I find there is a war inside of me and it is painful to choose sides.You'd think from that description I am struggling with something very important.I am not.I am struggling with being 26 and single, but not for the reason most would think I am. I am not struggling with loneliness (at least, I don't think so).I am struggling with the expectations of a single woman in my society (American Small Town) and my sub-culture (The Church). And I have two conflicting thoughts about my singleness:1. I am … [Read more...]

To know my sister is to love her.Or hate her.No one has ever been neutral toward Joanna. My sister is a wild, friendly, compassionate, adventurous and terrified kaleidoscope of fire and curry. She can forgive anyone of anything. This is both a blessing and a curse.You see, like most people, my sister is breakable. And she has a bad habit of loving too much, too passionately, too indiscriminately. She loves and forgives the heartbreaker, the abuser, the liar, the quitter. And sometimes they end … [Read more...]

I graduated yesterday and I am so glad to be done.But I'm also totally bummed.I mean I'm certainly not going to miss working three jobs to make enough money to pay for my three classes and working hard enough to not lose the two scholarships I put countless hours into earning. I'm also not really going to miss the four parking tickets I acquired on campus or the outrageously priced books that I hardly used or the three loans that still need to be paid off or the six and a half squares left on my … [Read more...]

I went on my first real date last weekend.Pathetic, eh? 25 years old and this was the first time anyone had bothered to ask me out on a date. This was my first date that wasn't just, Oh hey, we should hang out sometime and it will conveniently be just the two of us but I'll still let you pay for your food because we're just kicking it as friends and all.Anyway, I learned 3 things on this first date of mine.1. For as long as I can remember I have thought that my snaggle-tooth, love-handles, … [Read more...]

Last night I went to a cemetery in L.A.To watch a movie.This post is not about that.This post is about what else happened to me at the movie.It was dark and my friend and I made our way to the port-potties before the movie started. She was relying on me to find an open stall with the light on my phone.I Found an open stall for my friend right away and then went on the hunt for another stall. I spotted one marked "vacant" just two stalls down and opened the door whilst shouting, "TA DA!" to … [Read more...]

The tall man was rugged and beautiful. The sandpaper on his face was always the same length. It took her months to realize he looked disheveled on purpose. This disappointed her.The tall man was rugged and naïve. The contradiction was endearing in a way that both annoyed her and empowered her. She felt that, in spite of his obvious physical strength, she was the strong one. At first she loved this feeling. The times she pressured him to try new foods or travel to the wrong part of town or dance … [Read more...]

I know there are studies on worldview and names for different worldviews, but I'm not that deep or detailed, so let's just call this Sarah's worldview.I grew up believing all kinds of things were sins that aren't really sins. (Things like swearing and smoking and sex and skipping church. I can see how these could all be sins when used with a sinister spirit and a hardened heart. I can also see how these things can just be things, like taking your dog for a walk or mailing a letter or sleeping … [Read more...]

Some days I wake up feeling so very small.Some days hopelessness feels more tangible than joy.Some days I wonder what I am doing here? What am I working towards? A degree in journalism that I may never use? Camera gear that will never teach me anything about life?Shouldn't my life be about something so much more purposeful than what I am doing here? Shouldn't I just sell it all and move to India or Uganda or anywhere really and open an orphanage or a food bank or a health center?I am … [Read more...]

I think we do a disservice to children by feeding them only fairy tales.Hold on, don't stop reading, let me explain.Don't get me wrong, I love fairy tales and happy endings and knights in shining armor, and dragons to slay and magic and wonder.But I've been thinking about the classic fairy tales. They teach kids, especially girls, to romanticize everything. Ever notice how every fairy tale goes a little like this: boy meets girl, boy rescues girl from evil (dragon, witch, wizard, you name it), … [Read more...]

Busy is an understatement.Seriously. I'm not sure how I'm still functioning right now.Spring quarter I took on a third job, more hours at Starbucks and my culminating project for my Visual Journalism class that involved hours of design and web development for a non-profit organization in the community.I was pretty busy and dreaming of summer vacation.Well, summer vacation started exactly six days ago.In that six days I have managed to take on two new jobs and agree to design Klipsun Magazine … [Read more...]

A couple days ago I was working the drive thru window at Starbucks and a car pulls up."Hey there, how's it going?""Oh it's good. I don't know what I want."Pause."Do you have any Christmas flavored lattes?"Like a Douglas Fir flavored latte? I had to turn my headset off so I could literally laugh aloud.My coworker got on the headset and asked, "Well, what does Christmas taste like to you?"Meanwhile I shout (not into the headset), "Yes! We've got one that tastes like Douglas Fir and is filled … [Read more...]

You know how guys will sometimes have a "wingman?" The guy who helps them get the girl.A woman can have a wingman too. Only you can't call her a wingman. For one, she's not a man. Two, "wingchick" sounds like something you order at Kentucky Fried Chicken.So my roommates and I decided that a woman's wingman is a Midge.Midge.You know, Barbie's best friend?The darker-haired, freckled one.The one that never got with Ken.Midge.So it turns out I'm a Midge.I'm the girl who will always help my … [Read more...]

I stayed the night at my brother's house last night and before bed he gathered his family together to read the bible. A couple chapters in I started to get sleepy and realized I really had to pee. His three small children were squirming around and trying to be quiet. The 4-year-old leaned over to me and whispered, "This is boring." All I wanted to say was, "I know. I think so too." All I said was, "Shhh. It's almost over." I hope. Six chapters later I wanted to stand up and … [Read more...]

Monday night I twisted my ankle. Tuesday morning it felt better. I decided to go for a run. It was raining. No sooner had I shut my door behind me, I realized I locked myself out of my house. Oh well, might as well just go for a run and see if anyone is awake by the time I get back. Two minutes into my run my ankle spontaneously gave out on me. It didn't hurt. Just. Stopped. Working. My run became an epic, frantic, skin-breaking slide through the gravel and … [Read more...]