Some days I wake up feeling so very small.
Some days hopelessness feels more tangible than joy.
Some days I wonder what I am doing here? What am I working towards? A degree in journalism that I may never use? Camera gear that will never teach me anything about life?
Shouldn’t my life be about something so much more purposeful than what I am doing here? Shouldn’t I just sell it all and move to India or Uganda or anywhere really and open an orphanage or a food bank or a health center?
I am overwhelmed by my smallness. I am overwhelmed by my inability to do something about the monstrous problems in the world.
But then I stop. Breathe. Think.
I am small. I am unskilled. I am inadequate.
But God is big. His resources are endless.
I have no idea what He is doing with me or if I’ll ever know. But what I do know is that my seemingly purposeless life of working far too many jobs and holding all my pieces together…this is just temporary. Soon school will be done. Soon there will be new problems to tackle and people to tolerate and inevitably learn to love.
Maybe I’ll still sell everything and move to India or Uganda or wherever and start an orphanage.
But for now, I will work on the task at hand. I will stay the course.
I will scream.
Because, you know, sometimes screaming helps.