Sometimes Screaming Helps

  • Meet Sarah
  • sarscreative
  • SARAH’S TINY HOUSE ADVENTURE

inadequate.

December 11, 2013 by Sarah Joslyn 7 Comments

{ It’s after midnight. Do not trust anything I say after midnight. I become increasingly ridiculous and tend towards the dramatic when running on little sleep. However, I am still going to hit publish because sometimes after midnight I am brilliant. Here’s hoping today is one of those days. }

I am inadequate.

I’ve known it my whole life.

I’ve known it since those days oh so long ago when my mom told me that my straight A’s were “boring” and my dad told me I talked too much and laughed too loud.

I didn’t know how to get better than straight A’s. I didn’t know how to speak less.

And I’ve spent nearly every day for the past 20 years trying to be good enough. Trying to accomplish more. Shine brighter. Be smarter. Funnier. More kind. More patient. More competitive. Give more. Do more. BE MORE. ( cue Mission Impossible theme song )

And so I say, “Yes, I’ll help with that. And that. And that. And that.”

Until I’m overflowing with projects and lacking in sleep.

And I’m churning out photos and posters and booklets and working part-time in a doctor’s office and agreeing to pick up extra shifts in a cafe and getting a friend’s kids off to the bus and apologizing for getting NONE of it completed as quickly as I’d promised … and then I am asked if I have time to decorate the windows* for a neighboring store front because they heard I was the girl who did that kind of stuff.

Guess what I said …

Go on, guess …

Yes.

I said yes.

And I spent several hours elbows deep in paint and anxiety—for promising another thing that I might totally fail at.

I need a vacation.

I need a time machine.

Because I want to go back and tell 9-year-old-Sarah that being talkative is going to be how she makes so many friends as an adult. I want to tell 13-year-old-Sarah to stop trying so hard in school and maybe take more art and less math, because she’s going to do a lot more art when she grows up.

I want to go backwards so I can tell little me she’s okay, so that GROWN-UP ME can rest and stop trying so hard.

I don’t think I “got this” anymore.

Apologies, friends, if you don’t hear from me, it’s because I’m in the woods searching for a time machine.

*The window paintings were done with my lovely coworker Malia.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Comments

  1. Bev Murrill says

    December 11, 2013 at 9:02 am

    Sarah… it’s hard to know what to say… except … BUMMER!!! Go on girl, have your scream… and THEN STOP SAYING YES! It’s a hard road, and some people aren’t gonna love you anymore, (but those people only loved you when you did stuff for them) and you’ll be so glad when you’ve sorted it.

    Reply
    • Sarah E. Richardson says

      December 11, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      Oh Bev! How I need that. “and some people aren’t gonna love you anymore, (but those people only loved you when you did stuff for them) and you’ll be so glad when you’ve sorted it.”

      I think that’s what I’m afraid of. But I also think you’re right.

      Reply
    • idelette mcvicker says

      December 31, 2013 at 9:25 am

      Bev is right. Of course she is.

      Reply
  2. Bethany Olsen says

    December 11, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    “Because I want to go back and tell 9-year-old-Sarah that being talkative is going to be how she makes so many friends as an adult. I want to tell 13-year-old-Sarah to stop trying so hard in school and maybe take more art and less math, because she’s going to do a lot more art when she grows up.”

    I love that. And you. It’s interesting how often the things people criticize us for turn out to be our greatest strengths.

    Reply
    • Sarah E. Richardson says

      December 11, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      Bethany, you commented! Yippee!

      I love you for seeing the good parts of things so often and I love when you call out the awkward things too. Thank you.

      Reply
    • Kelley Johnson Nikondeha says

      December 11, 2013 at 5:30 pm

      Sarah… I think you’re fabulous. You bring talent, heart, goodness and brightness to the places and projects you touch. You constantly exceed my expectations… with being who you are. I love you – tell your grown up self that, would you please?

      Reply
    • idelette mcvicker says

      December 31, 2013 at 9:27 am

      I love what Kelley said. You *exceed* expectations … yes, you do.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

colorado
"I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.” – George Bernard Shaw

TWEETS

Security Error from tmhOAuth.

Archives

Copyright © 2023 · Genesis Sample on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in